June 27, 2006

Body Swap? Nah. Forget It!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to swap bodies with a man for a day? You know, men get to see what being a woman is like, and women get to see how it feels to inhabit the bodies of neanderthals the weaker sex men? Don't tell me I am the only woman who wonders what it feels like to be a guy. I can picture it, you know...

No boobs...you men may love the things, but you try wearing a bra all day long, or having men talk to your chest, or not breathing while some technician squishes your boobs to the thickness of a flap jack. Yes, boobs are handy. They are instruments of enticement, they feed babies...but they should be detachable, or deflatable, or at least come with a warranty!

Not having to worry about your hair...you guys just wash and go. Doesn't matter if you're going gray, or have a huge honking bald spot on the top of your head. Women have moisturizing shampoo, conditioner, gels, mousses, sprays, de-frizz serums, hair dryers, curling irons, flat irons, pony tail bands, headbands, barrettes, clips, and in case of emergencies, the baseball cap. We perm, straighten, bleach, dye, highlight, foil, glaze and deep condition. And we still have 'bad hair days'.

Touching your crotch in public...You men manipulate, rotate, readjust, scratch, grab, tug and shift in public, and no one says a word. Why is that? Is it some secret language or code we ladies have yet to break? A bonding ritual? Do you just buy bad-fitting underwear? If a woman dares to attempt any movement with her hands within two inches of her groin, it's like a spotlight shines upon her, and everyone is watching and wondering if she's got six-legged critters in there. Can't we just have an itch dammit?

Peeing whilst standing...or sitting, or lying down, or in a boat, a car, a field, an alley, behind a dumpster, next to a tree, you get the point. We require a toilet, or a tall shrub and very strong thigh muscles. We can only hope we have access to some sort of absorbent material. You men just shake and go. That, fellas, is so not fair!

I'm sure you guys are thinking how lucky you are to be a man, right? You don't give birth, or suffer PMS...you can walk around topless without getting thrown in jail for indecent exposure (although some men...ew.), and nobody seems to give a crap if you have a muffin top above your waistband. Or worse.

Actually, you men ARE incredibly lucky! You have us!

Posted by *Theresa* at June 27, 2006 06:57 PM



Guys have it damn good!

; )

Posted by: Christina at June 27, 2006 07:45 PM

Love it when you are feisty.

Classic post.

Take Care

Posted by: Michael at June 27, 2006 07:53 PM

And looky there it wasn't even you.

Nice job Theresa. If you write elsewhere I need to know.

You are certainly feisty too.

Take Care

...like the typical man I'll look after I ask

Posted by: Michael at June 27, 2006 07:56 PM

Hey, think of all the benefits women have over men.

There's the PMS factor, the during cycle factor and the post cycle, leaving you just one week a month when you have to act sane.

Then there's nagging. A gift only intended for women it seems. A guy starts to fuss even the slightest bit and he's a biyatch, yet women can harp on the same issue day in and day out for months on end and it is 100% acceptable.

Okay, so that's only two, I'm sure there are more examples out there, it'll just take a couple other men to point them out.

Oh, the reason for the crotch grabbing, sometimes the twig and berries just ain't hangin' right, but most of the time its because we can. ;)

Posted by: phin at June 27, 2006 08:25 PM

That last line sums it up pretty well. What more could a man want than his loving woman? But then, what more could you want than us? (Feel free not to answer that question.)

Posted by: Bob at June 27, 2006 09:01 PM

Guys DO just "wash and go" -- in fact, my boyfriend's shampoo is actually CALLED "Wash 'N' Go."

Posted by: Rina at June 28, 2006 12:18 AM

C'mon Theresa, you've only looked at the physical differences, isn't that typical fella's they only want us for one thing, we have minds too you know !!!

Posted by: Peter at June 28, 2006 07:18 AM

"boobs are handy" - that killed me. ;-)

But you are SO right!

Posted by: sadie at June 28, 2006 12:16 PM

Personally, I haven't ever wondered what it'd be like to swap bodies with a man, I are one. I don't have to wonder. Havin' said that, now that you mention the idea, if it was the right man, shit yeah, I'd swap bodies.

I think that Brad Pitt fella's doin' alright 'bout now, no?

Boobies are handy... boy they sure are, and once I've swapped bodies with Brad, Angelina's gonna find out just how "Handy" they are...


Posted by: RedNeck at June 30, 2006 04:52 PM

Holla and Happy Thanksgiving. nokia6630

Posted by: bill at July 1, 2006 02:15 PM

Well done!
My homepage | Please visit

Posted by: Lisa at July 11, 2006 10:21 PM

Back to Main