Feisty Repartee

Body Swap? Nah. Forget It!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to swap bodies with a man for a day? You know, men get to see what being a woman is like, and women get to see how it feels to inhabit the bodies of neanderthals the weaker sex men? Don't tell me I am the only woman who wonders what it feels like to be a guy. I can picture it, you know...

No boobs...you men may love the things, but you try wearing a bra all day long, or having men talk to your chest, or not breathing while some technician squishes your boobs to the thickness of a flap jack. Yes, boobs are handy. They are instruments of enticement, they feed babies...but they should be detachable, or deflatable, or at least come with a warranty!

Not having to worry about your hair...you guys just wash and go. Doesn't matter if you're going gray, or have a huge honking bald spot on the top of your head. Women have moisturizing shampoo, conditioner, gels, mousses, sprays, de-frizz serums, hair dryers, curling irons, flat irons, pony tail bands, headbands, barrettes, clips, and in case of emergencies, the baseball cap. We perm, straighten, bleach, dye, highlight, foil, glaze and deep condition. And we still have 'bad hair days'.

Touching your crotch in public...You men manipulate, rotate, readjust, scratch, grab, tug and shift in public, and no one says a word. Why is that? Is it some secret language or code we ladies have yet to break? A bonding ritual? Do you just buy bad-fitting underwear? If a woman dares to attempt any movement with her hands within two inches of her groin, it's like a spotlight shines upon her, and everyone is watching and wondering if she's got six-legged critters in there. Can't we just have an itch dammit?

Peeing whilst standing...or sitting, or lying down, or in a boat, a car, a field, an alley, behind a dumpster, next to a tree, you get the point. We require a toilet, or a tall shrub and very strong thigh muscles. We can only hope we have access to some sort of absorbent material. You men just shake and go. That, fellas, is so not fair!

I'm sure you guys are thinking how lucky you are to be a man, right? You don't give birth, or suffer PMS...you can walk around topless without getting thrown in jail for indecent exposure (although some men...ew.), and nobody seems to give a crap if you have a muffin top above your waistband. Or worse.

Actually, you men ARE incredibly lucky! You have us!

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