October 30, 2008

Cracks

Apparently I am cracked. My facade, at least...

And the cracks?? People who know me - or at least have had a real glimpse of me - tell me that the jagged edges are beginning to show...

I am more tired than I ever remember being in my life. Emotionally. Physically. Personally. Tired...

And I don't know what to do about the cracks.

I am used to being able to distance myself from all emotion. Business mode all the way. It's how I deal. Always have...

Cracks.

They suck. More so because I *still* have so much more to do. To be. I need to continue to be strong. Strong is what I know. Strong is what I DO. But I can feel the shift of my own personal tectonic plates.

Scares the shit out of me, frankly...

I am blessed with good friends. Some of whom I can trust... But I do not extend trust lightly... Trusting, to me, equals vulnerability. And I cannot abide feeling vulnerable.

Vulnerability = weakness. Weakness = pain. Weakness = failure. Some days I feel as though I have no skin. Let alone a "thick" one. I hate that...

Cracks.

I need better glue. Maybe a few bridges. More wine, certainly...

Cracks.

Cracks suck. I prefer my facade to be intact. Or at least the cracks to remain invisible...

Invisible sounds pretty good right now...

Repeat the mantra - I am fine. *I* am fine. I *am* fine. I am *fine.*

Fine. Just cracked...

Shit.

Posted by *Richmond* at October 30, 2008 08:44 PM

Comments

Cracks are fine. They really are.

We fill them up with bondo, sand them down, and they are much better and stronger than they were to begin with.

The cracks we experience certainly allow us to recognize cracks in others so we can lend a hand, a shoulder, and more than a little understanding.

Posted by: Christina at October 31, 2008 07:26 AM

Cracks are fine. They provide a space in the veneer for our friends to get a hold of and pull you up in times of need. As Christina says, you fill em up and sand em down and you have double the strength.

But the cracks - prove we are not superhuman - and that we don't need to be so. We just need a few friends with some spackling tools and cocktails! :)

Posted by: Oddybobo at October 31, 2008 10:07 AM

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