June 07, 2005

Fan those Flames

This day's topic is a consideration of whether the old flame of a friend is forever off limits.

I do believe the operative term in this scenario is old.

Current flames of our friends are definitely taboo!

The easy answer is to adopt the cavalier attitude that there are plenty of other fish in the sea and put the former loves of friends into the taboo category; however, as fleeting as love may sometimes be, I say embrace it almost anywhere you find it.

While awkward, if you are genuinely attracted and interested in your friend's former love and the feelings are mutual, then move slowly. Be well advised this situation has the potential for misunderstanding, insecurity, and hurt feelings for all parties involved: you, the love interest, and the friend.

Depending on the circumstances surrounding their breakup, as well as your relationship with the friend, it is possible to remain friends while also exploring and cultivating the couple thing. Success is probably the exception, rather than the rule.

A key to this success is the relative maturity of all parties involved. Tact will be required and all comparisons need be kept tightly under wraps.

When I was in law school, men far out-numbered women. One of the women in my class "dated" quite a bit. There was one man she was particularly enamored of and after they dated briefly, he dumped her. Shortly thereafter, one of the other women began going out with him.

While the first woman was rather bitter over the dumping, I sat in awe late one evening as she regaled a few of us with a particularly intense romantic moment she had had with this guy. It was definitely the stuff dime store romance novels are known for and thoughts of what she described caused a general swooning among those of us listening.

I remember thinking at the time: "Why is she doing and saying this?"

It became clear days later when the guy's second girlfriend caught wind of his "escapades" with the first girlfriend. Apparently, she had been left wondering why he had no thought so much of her to engage in similar acts. Second girlfriend dumped the poor guy not long thereafter.

For further intrigue and enlightenment, please see the Disarming Diva, Snarky Diva, Sassy Diva, and Guest Diva-esque Lady Kelley, as well as the Wizard, Puffy, Phin, and Smallholder of Naked Villainy.

Posted by Christina at June 7, 2005 12:14 PM

Comments

Oh, you're such a romantic! Perhaps you just see the good in people...I perhaps could learn a thing or two from that, eh?

;-)

Posted by: sadie at June 7, 2005 05:19 PM

hmm Old Flames, well dancing with the devil as I do sometimes, I can say this with a ring of truth.. It is possible but only if you tread real careful.. I still talk to a old flame of mine now and then, in fact I erm posted about the latest encounter on my blog. Well It was her birthday what was a friend such as I meant to do, just post a card? Not I, that's not how I do things, then again I am a little nuts

Posted by: Gopher at June 7, 2005 06:38 PM

I just could not date someone that one of my friends dated seriously--not because it is weird but because they have bad taste :)

Posted by: Melonie at June 9, 2005 06:53 AM

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