June 14, 2005

Is that skin you are wearing?

This week's daringly demystifying diva topic is particularly timely with the long days of summer upon us.

What is appropriate swim wear?

Well, unless you are a man swimming with little inquisitive fishies in open water which like to nip at certain unmentionables, irrespective of how small or benign appearing, I do not believe a swimsuit is actually necessary to swim; however, if one is lounging, sun-bathing or otherwise wandering about a body of water, some form of cover up is required in most circumstances.

I realize some of you out there might actually be between the ages of nineteen and twenty-two and have bodies that look fabulous in whatever you choose to wear or not wear; however, we are all not so fortunate. I will be thirty-eight at the end of the month and acknowledge that my body is infinitely more appealing if certain parts of it are covered, at least in the harsh glare of the noonday sun.

As such, please let me say, thongs and speedos are attractive on a minuscule percentage of the population at large. If you have to ask another living soul: "Does this make my butt or stomach look big?" You are not in that percentile. Thank you.

The girls and I have access to one of THE premier water parks in the world. For years I have insisted their father take them because the thought of parading around all day in a swimsuit with several thousand other humans did not sound much like a glorious activity. Last summer I finally broke down and allowed myself to be dragged through the water park.

What did I find?


Well, for one thing, that place is an absolute blast!

Secondly, while there were nubile young thangs running around with wild abandon, particularly in their choices of swim wear, there were far more staid individuals letting it all bulge out, hang out, and down-right flop for all the world to see.

After the first ten minutes of absolute shock, I spent the rest of the day singing quietly to myself: "I feel pretty, oh, so pretty..."

My advice on swim wear: Be yourself. Wear what makes you comfortable, both aesthetically and physically. There will always be more attractive and less attractive humans wherever you go.

For those naturalists out there, good for you.

As the ladies and dashing gentlemen cohorts in crime chime in, I will update with their thoughts on the matter. The delightful Kate (who had a birthday yesterday) will be guest posting as a Diva-esque lady.

Who knows, we may even see pictures.

Diva-esque Lady Kate takes on some key factors: age, weight, and grooming and even links to some (maybe not work-safe images!)

The Sassy Diva takes on Teensy Weensy Man Thongs? Ummmm, with pictures!

The Foreign Minister of Naked Villainy may well have the quote of the day: "I much prefer what is in the swim wear than the garment itself." And, there's more.

The Fabulous Kathy makes that saying of "Great Minds..." come to mind.

Phin swims by with The Right to Bear Arms...

Soulful Sexy Sadie says it all with Teeny Weenies

Posted by Christina at June 14, 2005 06:58 AM


Man - I had fun with this one - thanks!

Posted by: Kate at June 14, 2005 07:48 AM

We're pretty much on the same wavelength today. Only you're less wordy about all of it ;)

Good job!

(And I'm assuming you're talking about Schlitterbahn. Right? AHHHH. Good fun!)

Posted by: Kathy at June 14, 2005 12:17 PM

Excellent post, Miss Feisty. Now tell me, what does one wear to go toobin'?

Posted by: sadie at June 14, 2005 01:52 PM

Sadie, a one piece! Otherwise, the top or bottom could come off inexplicably!

Great post Feisty my friend!

Posted by: Oddybobo at June 14, 2005 03:18 PM

Great post Chrissy.

sadie I'd recommend a string bikini for toobin' and make sure somebody is taking frequent pictures.

Posted by: phin at June 14, 2005 04:41 PM

My Wife had the same realization/truth you did sitting by the pool this weekend. Seeing some women in Swimwear and comparing herself to how they look, She knows now she looks Damn good!

I've been telling her that for years!

Posted by: The Wizard at June 14, 2005 05:43 PM

I'm pretty much comfortable in cut-off jeans and a tank top. I'm beginning to think, though, I need somethin' now with a little more support!! (the force of gravity and all, don't ya know!)

Posted by: Michele at June 14, 2005 06:11 PM

20 or so years ago, my girlfriend at the time somehow talked me into buying speedos. I think I wore them once, and hid them in embarrasment after that.

My wife occasionally gives me shit and tried to get me to get another pair, or a thong. NOT. I AM 38, will be 39 before too long.

#1, Although I don't have a HUGE midsection, it does bulge, and something like that would just make it look even worse.
#2, I guess if I was hung like John Holmes I might consider it, but since I am, alas, just an average dude, I think I will keep my ass cheeks (and other sundries) tucked inside.

Personally I prefer that something be left to the imagination as far as ladies swimwear goes.

Posted by: Richard at June 14, 2005 08:19 PM

I totally agree. I used to hate going to public places in my swimsuit...still do to a point...but feel better about the fact that there are people that look much worse or that wear stuff they shouldn't.

However, I am in an apartment complex full of college kids able to do the skimpy thing....I think twice sometimes before going to the pool!

Posted by: Sissy at June 14, 2005 09:03 PM

It's amazing how shy we Americans are about our body when people in other countries seem indifferent to nudity. I say, "Use a little taste, and then do what you damn well please. Bikni or cutoffs/tank, whichever makes you happy".

Posted by: Junebugg at June 14, 2005 11:52 PM

Thank you for this very important public service announcement! LOL.

Posted by: WillyShake at June 16, 2005 09:57 AM

Hell, I got "Body by Budweiser".

I wear bib overalls. ;) ... so my shelf don't get sunburnt.

Posted by: RedNeck at June 16, 2005 05:02 PM

Ok, stop making me laugh tonight.

Posted by: Madame Butterfly at June 16, 2005 11:49 PM

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